Photo by Thirdman.
When the news first broke regarding the extramarital affair between Good Morning America hosts, TJ Holmes and Amy Robach, everyone brushed it off as, “they are two consenting adults and what they do outside of their marriages is none of our business,” that is until the allegations began to roll in regarding Holmes’s inappropriate sexual relationships with interns and co-workers.
As the story unfolded of his inappropriate relationship with an intern in 2015, what surprised me, but really didn’t was that most women were not holding Holmes accountable, and instead hurdling insults at the then intern, Jasmin Pettaway.
“She knew what she was doing!”
“Jasmin better take accountability and just say she wanted TJ.”
“She was 24 and has to take accountability for her actions as well. She was sleeping with a married man.”
“She’s no victim, two full grown consenting adults here.”
“There needs to be a statute of limitations on violation of workplace misconduct, this was 8 years ago!”
The “source” that leaked the story to the press stated that Jasmin Pettaway, the alleged victim, had just started working at ABC and this was first job in journalism. She quickly began to seek out a mentor, to which Holmes agreed to take on the role, which quickly became a sexual relationship.
It was reported that the first time they had sex it was in his office a few minutes before he was supposed to go on air and that Pettway felt uncomfortable. The source later described Holmes as a predator who used his position to sexually take advantage of his women coworkers. As the weeks went by and new allegations started to come out, it became clear why the source had referred to Holmes as a predator.
As I read through the comments on various social media posts regarding his alleged revolving door of office affairs, I was triggered with memories of having to deal with sexual harassment in the workplace back in 2015, the same year Pettaway and Holmes relationship took place. I began to remember how the Dean of the School of Social Work at the university where I taught, shared my incident during a faculty meeting after I had gone to him and the campus police in private. Instead of being made to feel safe, the dean along with my female coworkers made me feel dirty and as if what had happened was my fault.
The words of my former female coworkers who had negated my experience soon flooded my memory, especially the one who revealed to the investigating team that I deserved what had happened to me because my professional attire encouraged the misbehavior of the perpetrator. “Her name brand dresses fit her body like a glove. She should have dressed down and worn loose clothing that did not reveal her figure and flat shoes instead of heels that didn’t accentuate her legs.” While another female colleague thought it was a good idea to confront me stating that I needed to stop whining and complaining and just put on my ‘big girl panties’ and deal with the harassment because it came with the territory i.e. job, “Stop acting like you’re special! You’re not the first female something like this has happened to and you won’t be the last!” And then there were the hateful emails for other female coworkers telling me I needed to learn how to be a team player.
My work environment was not psychologically safe and eventually the toxic behaviors became too much. I ended up having a nervous breakdown and taking FMLA for 3 months before resigning from my professor position. It is a time in my life that is still difficult to discuss without becoming emotional because of the harassment and the victim blaming I encountered.
As I reflected on my personal work experience with sexual harassment and the comments being left on these Instagram posts about TJ Holmes, I realized why 63% of women don’t come forward and suffer in silence before quitting their jobs. It is partially because of the fear of women like the commenters; women who have never been sexually harassed, don’t understand the sexually harassment laws, or they are misogynistic she-devils – women in the workplace who see themselves as superior and view their female coworkers as manipulative, dishonest, irrational, incompetent or unintelligent, and that victims deserved whatever happened to them in the workplace (Psychology Today, 2019).
So can a sexual relationship between coworkers be seen as sexual harassment? According to Spigle Law Firm, “if an employee feels pressured into having sex to receive workplace favors (or just to be treated like everyone else), it could be considered sexual harassment. Whenever one partner has power over the other at work, i.e. boss and intern, the relationship is inherently unequal, and any sexual relations can be seen as non-consensual. But under sexual harassment law, the focus isn’t so much on typical consent as it is whether advances made by the supervisor were “welcome” by the employee.”
There is also what’s called contra-power, a form of abuse that takes place when a person with lesser power uses their position to threaten a superior in order to get what they want. The common denominators in both instances are power and unwelcome advances (a person can say yes because they feel threatened, not because they really want to engage in an inappropriate relationship).
In regard to statute of limitations on sexual abuse and harassment. It varies from state to state when it comes to legal recourse, but there is never a time limit on when a victim can decide to go public and share their story. The problem is many blame and shame them by negating their story, accuse them of lying because they didn’t speak out sooner or label them as the ‘office ho’ who is trying to destroy the career of ‘such and such’ man.
So what should a person do if they find themselves in a situation where they are being sexually harassed and condemned by coworkers:
- Document the incident(s) ASAP. Write down what happened, who was involved, what was said, time of incident and place of incident. Also document how the encounter made you feel. This information should be kept at your home and away from the office. This will come in handy if you have to file a claim with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) or hire an attorney. A great tool to help you document what is taking is Unbreak My Soul: How Black Women Can Begin To Heal From Workplace Trauma. This workbook contains documentation forms in addition to a 30 day work journal.
- Next, you need to inform HR via email. This email will serve as a date and time stamp of when they were notified. Print out the email and any communication you receive from HR or leadership regarding the incident(s) and keep in your personal file away from the office. Many companies use software that can go in and erase email correspondence even if you forward it to your personal email.
- If you feel the incident(s) is impacting your mental health, see a mental health therapist. You can utilize the company’s employee assistant program (EAP), which covers short term mental health at no cost to the employee (ask HR for details) or seek out help through your health insurance (yes, your medical coverage includes seeing a therapist). FYI…whatever you share with the EAP therapist is not reported back to your employer.
- Lean on your support system. Don’t try to navigate this alone. Seek out the moral support of family and friends who understand.
- Schedule a consultation with an employment and/or civil rights attorney (they can direct you in how to further protect yourself and let you know if you have a legal case against your employer or if you should file a claim with EEOC). Karl Bernard is an employment attorney lawyer who specializes in these types of cases.
- Be aware of your surroundings at work and never allow yourself to be alone with the perpetrator or people who will try to berate you. If necessary – have someone walk you to your car when leaving work for the day and possibly meet up with a co-worker to enter the building at the start of the day.
- If you feel your life is in danger contact the local police and file a report.
After the #MeToo movement gained momentum in 2017 as a way to draw attention to the magnitude of sexual abuse and harassment in Hollywood, I thought we would be beyond naive comments and accusations like the ones women are making against Pettaway and other victims, but unfortunately we still live in a patriarchy society that has a heavy influence over some women and where the good looks of a powerful man continue to overshadow the voice and truth of a woman.
If you found this article information click here and buy Dr. Yazeed a coffee.
Dr. Carey Yazeed is a behavioral scientist who specializes in psychological safety in the workplace. She is the author of Shut’em Down: Black Women, Racism, and Corporate America, Everyday Struggle: How Toxic Workplaces Impact Black Women (both were bestsellers on Amazon in the category of business conflict), and Unbreak My Soul: How Black Women Can Begin To Heal From Workplace Trauma. She is currently available for media interviews and to facilitate corporate trainings. Click here to learn more.
