Photo by Yusuf Kayode.
“You never join us after work for happy hour!”
“Is something wrong with you? Why don’t you ever have anything to say?”
When we talk about psychological safety in the workplace, introverts tend to struggle the most. Employers tell us to “show up as your authentic self,” but when we show up as non-social, low energy employees who simply come to work, do our jobs and leave, we are often ostracized and labeled as awkward and/or antisocial.
“I was called menacing. Like seriously…I’m sitting quietly in the back of a training listening intensively.”
Unfortunately, showing up as your authentic self in the workplace is only acceptable if you fit into what society considers the office norm; outgoing, talkative, and you enjoy participating in brainstorming activities in a boardroom filled with co-workers who love to socialize. But if someone dares to show up as anything else they are subjected to harmful consequences such as bullying or worse, fired because they are not a ‘team player’ or ‘lack an outgoing personality,’ which somewhere along the way became a job requirement HR forgot to tell you about.
“I almost lost my job because I didn’t eat lunch with the team, didn’t stay after work and chit chat and at a division meeting it was reported I was scribbling in my notebook.”
Growing up, I was labeled as shy by my parents and teachers, who consistently forced me to “come out of my shell” and learn how to interact appropriately with others. Their well-meaning attempts were epic failures until I reached middle school and realized if I didn’t learn how to blend in with my peers I would be bullied and harassed because of my seemingly quiet personality.
This is when I learned how to code switch as an introvert – forcing myself to engage with people in settings where I knew I would be judged based on my interactions and ‘energy’ vs my knowledge and expertise. But honestly…I still find social interactions to be emotionally draining, especially as an adult in the workplace.
Like most introverts, I prefer being alone, existing within my personal mental space of ‘what if’s’ and hypothesis. Many gasp when they learn I’m socially awkward and that I usually experience bouts of anxiety when I have to step outside of my bubble and engage with people. So how am I a successful speaker and trainer, you ask? In addition to being an expert code switcher, over the years I’ve also learned how to manage my social anxiety when it comes to speaking engagements by arriving early so I can scope out the setting and become familiar with the environment before I speak, and I leave directly after finishing my engagement. If I am required to do a meet and greet or engage with participants after I have finished speaking, I limit my time to 30-45 minutes because after that, I will be running on fumes and literally about to pass out from mental exhaustion.
“I have the vibe of Wednesday Addams most days…that’s just my reality.”
Now when I’m not speaking, but in a social setting as a participant I tend to observe and make mental notes (if I am not physically doodling) and circle back around later to analyze what I saw and heard when I am finally alone with my thoughts. This was actually how I wrote my first book, a fiction novel.
I am a mixture of what psychologists define as a thinking and anxious introvert.
Many people, like my parents and primary teachers, often define an introvert as someone who is shy, but there is more to the personality of an introvert than avoiding eye contact and not having much to say. The concepts of introversion and extroversion were developed by psychiatrist Carl Jung in the early 1900s. Jung’s research concluded that introverts prefer minimally stimulating environments and tend to recharge in solitude, while extroverts re-energized from their interactions with others.
Introverts do not readily share their thoughts and feelings and tend to be more reserved, while withdrawing from social activities and instead seeking out opportunities that allow for reflection. On the other hand, extroverts are outgoing and display overtly expressive patterns of behavior. They actually gravitate towards the company of others.
“I was called standoffish, accused of having a bad attitude, angry, mean, rude, and told that I didn’t fit in.”
Research by Grimes, Cheek, and Norem (2011) breaks down introversion into four main types: Social introvert, thinking introvert, anxious introvert, and restrained introvert.
Social Introverts prioritizes alone time, preferring intimate gatherings like small get togethers at a friends home or a coffee shop meet up vs happy hour at a crowded bar with co-workers. In the workplace a social introvert is good for projects that require the work of one person and minimal human interaction. These individuals usually work in the tech industry.
Thinking Introverts live in the space of ‘what if’ hypothesis. They love to create and are great storytellers when they do interact with people. They come across as aloof and it is very hard to capture and then hold their attention. Thinking introverts rarely talk, but when they do…people hang onto their every word! At work they bring a sense of thoughtfulness and creativity and are great team leaders, because they are constantly thinking outside of the box.
Anxious Introverts feel unsettled in social spaces and sometimes even when they are alone. Their superpower is in creating subgroups within larger groups. They bring balance to the office and tend to provide a safe space for others who feel socially awkward. The Anxious Introvert fears being socially awkward and tends to arrive early to work and helps to set up and work behind the scenes of events. They are usually your project managers, coordinators and planners. They are the person other introverts confide in at the water cooler.
Restrained Introverts don’t open up immediately. They are more reserved and have to get to know you before they show you who they really are. In the workplace, these individuals are the ones who lead with common sense and data. They are the employees who talk sense into the impulsive team leader who wants to start over on a project that is due in two days.
“There is a lot of pressure to be an extrovert at best, performative at worst.”
Introverts may not be the life of the office, but we are a valuable asset to an organization. Our listening and observation skills allow us to see the best in others and to extract top results. We encourage others to contribute their talent and skills. We help our co-workers to feel seen and heard by noticing the small details extroverts tend to overlook. And when we are sitting in our cars eating lunch or taking a quick power walk outside, it is because we are antisocial, we just need some quiet time to gather our thoughts and re-energize in order to walk back into our cubicle and give our employer and coworkers 100%.
Introverts are not problematic personalities that need Iyanla to ‘fix our lives’ nor do we need to have several seats on a therapist’s couch. Instead we are the ying to the yang of a company. We are the glue that holds it all together and our social awkwardness, although uncomfortable for you, is what makes us the most efficient and effective employees.
The quotes used in this article came from introverts commenting on Twitter.
If this article resonated with you consider buying Dr. Yazeed a cup of coffee.
Dr. Carey Yazeed is a behavioral scientist who specializes in psychological safety in the workplace. She is the author of Shut’em Down: Black Women, Racism, and Corporate America, Everyday Struggle: How Toxic Workplaces Impact Black Women (both were bestsellers on Amazon in the category of business conflict), and Unbreak My Soul: How Black Women Can Begin To Heal From Workplace Trauma. Dr. Yazeed is currently available for speaking engagements and to facilitate trainings. Click here to learn more.
