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As I sit here and reflect on how much we still have to accomplish as Black women in terms of gender bias and equal pay on another International Women’s Day, a quote from Taraji P. Henson invades my thoughts, “Women, Black women in particular need to lay off of that strong thing. That’s a trap. Because when you say things like ‘strong Black woman’ it makes us superhuman and it makes people think we can conquer anything. You want to be strong, but that can’t be your label.”
As Henson points out, society is quick to label Black women as strong, but when I think about what Black women have endured throughout the years and the challenges we continue to face, I grow weary. As women around the world pretend to like and support each other on this International Women’s Day, I find myself pondering over my constant display of strength and endurance, realizing that these emotions are by-products of the bullshit I’ve had to put up with my entire life; being treated like a second class citizen, dodging the negative labels, feeling like I am always a threat. Then I think about my ancestors and how they couldn’t show their vulnerable side as they crossed the Atlantic Ocean and entered into a society that treated them like animals. Instead of allowing them to feel all of the emotions that come with being a human, this inhumane society forced them to be strong and that trait was passed down from one generation, to the next generation, to my generation.
Honestly, sometimes I don’t have the strength to be strong because I am truly tired of fighting. There are days I want to rip off this superwoman cape because I no longer see the point of being “a strong Black woman.” I am tired of the internal pain that I pretend doesn’t exist. Yes, I get tired of being resilient and pushing back against all this shit.
I am tired of defending myself against those who call me bitter or angry every time I speak up for myself. I am tired of having my feelings and experiences negated because people refuse to understand my journey- not relate, but just listen and understand. I am tired of having to justify my worth and yet continue to be overlooked and underpaid because as a Black woman I am still viewed as an object vs a valuable professional who can bring a lot to your table if given the chance.
There are too many times on any given day when I feel hopeless like Sophie from the Color Purple, “because all my life I’ve had to fight.” Sometimes I want to step outside into the “real world” and show everyone my battle scars and ask that they understand me, but I know if I do I will only be misunderstood. After 52 years around the sun, I know I am stuck with this twisted perception of who people think I am and this is as good as it’s going to get. I know better days aren’t coming. Damnit I’m tired.
I realize I will always be the villain in someone’s story, even if it’s my own. I will always be the strong Black woman until my strength becomes a threat and then I will quickly become the bitter Black woman, the angry Black woman, the aggressive Black woman. Whew child, I am tired.
Through my weariness, or maybe it’s desensitization, I’ll still continue to push to be included no matter how tired I may be, because to belong, to be heard, to be understood, to be acknowledged, and sometimes just to be- are important to me. With the weight of my race on my shoulders, I’ll continue to pretend to “be strong,” because that’s all I’ve been programmed to believe about myself; that’s all my family tree who didn’t jump into the sea taught me.
Yet today we all will smile and pretend that we want equality for each other and by tomorrow morning we will return to either being oppressed or the oppressor. Silly ole me, I’ll continue to push for change after today, knowing deep in my heart society doesn’t want to have anything to do with me and all it really wants is to remain the same because these ism’s run generations deep, have criss-crossed continents and waterways and go so far back into history that we can’t even trace their origins.
“Sweet baby Jesus, I’m tired,” I mumble to myself as I grab a smile from the medicine cabinet, then slowly tie this worn cape around my neck and step out into this divided space, pretending to be strong. I will fake my way through another year of us celebrating all women, knowing that all women don’t celebrate me.
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Dr. Carey Yazeed is a behavioral scientist who specializes in psychological safety in the workplace. In addition to being a sought after speaker, she is also the author of Shut’em Down: Black Women, Racism, and Corporate America, Everyday Struggle: How Toxic Workplaces Impact Black Women (both were bestsellers on Amazon in the category of business conflict), and Unbreak My Soul: How Black Women Can Begin To Heal From Workplace Trauma. She is currently available for media interviews and to facilitate corporate trainings. Click here to learn more.
