Photo by RF._.studio from Pexels.
You got fired, now what? You are probably going through the first four stages of the grief cycle – denial, anger, depression, and bargaining.
You become angry as you continue to apply for different job openings and instead of looking at the positives, you are hell bent on focusing on the negatives; “No one will hire me! They keep saying I’m over qualified,” or “I never get an interview, just a Dear John email or worse, they don’t respond at all.”
You are in denial – this wasn’t supposed to happen to you!
You are depressed because a new job hasn’t come through; why even bother to apply anymore.
Then you start to bargain with the universe – if another job will materialize you will do x, y, and z.
Grieving the lost of a job is normal, but you also have to understand why the loss occurred: Your season in that space was over.
When we are terminated from a position it simply means it wasn’t meant for us. Being laid off or fired means it was time for you to move on and you didn’t jump out of the work situation when the warning signs appeared. When we try to go against what is meant to be, the universe will harshly fight back, including pushing you out of a position that no longer serves your bigger purpose.
But here’s the thing; once we are pushed out we keep trying to go back to an occupation or a similar workplace that just isn’t meant for us.
We keep trying to force a door open, that has a deadbolt on it.
Yes, it’s time for you to shift your focus; stop trying to go back to something that was never meant for you and figure out what you were created to do! Look, I get it. In the beginning it’s hard. You are hurt that things didn’t work out and you’re probably upset because of all the time and effort you invested with your former employer and career. You are also angry – this wasn’t supposed to happen to you and in your mind, you deserve a return on that investment!
After a toxic work environment literally caused me to have a mental breakdown, for some crazy reason I kept trying to return to that space, but with a different employer. A former Assistant Professor, I loved teaching – especially research classes. I also loved creating courses and lecturing. In my mind I thought the only way I could work in this capacity was through higher education. But after leaving and applying to 200+ jobs over a span of 5 years, nothing materialized. The reasons I often heard included, “You’re too qualified. You don’t have enough scholarly publications,” and the one that stung the most, “You should have started your academic journey earlier in life,” implying that I was too old. After one rejection letter where the person hired for the position had the audacity to email me and ask if I would like to serve as a volunteer, I had an epiphany.
I was pushed out of traditional higher education for a reason, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t good at teaching. It didn’t mean I wasn’t good at research. It meant I needed to figure out what I was created to do and then go after it with the same energy I was using to apply for all of those positions. In the grief cycle this is called acceptance.
So I shifted my perspective of how I saw myself and how my love for teaching, research and also writing fit into this new paradigm. Next, I started a business that would allow me to combine all of my gifts and talents, and would also give me the freedom to determine when I would work, who I would work with, and how much my work was worth.
Unfortunately, we have been conditioned to believe that only an employer will pay us for our skills, gifts and talents, and that we need a 9 to 5 job in order to survive. Instead of betting on ourselves, we are constantly try to go back to places and spaces that we don’t belong, wasting a lot of time, energy and resources what we could have invested into our own endeavors.
Today I am thankful that I was pushed out of higher education because I now work less hours and make double the money I made as an Assistant Professor. I’m also happier than I’ve ever been.
It’s time to move past the denial and anger. It’s time to stop being sad over a job that didn’t value you. And it’s time to stop bargaining with the universe and take the first step towards betting on yourself and becoming who you are supposed to be, instead of trying to go back to something that was never meant to be!
Dr. Carey Yazeed is a Behavioral Scientist who specializes in psychological safety in the workplace. She is the author of Unbreak My Soul: How Black Women Can Begin To Heal From Workplace Trauma.
If you have enjoyed this article, click here and treat Dr. Yazeed to a cup of coffee.
