An article by Yamily Habib is making its rounds on the internet regarding the suppression of feelings and how this unhealthy coping mechanism can fuel autoimmune disorders among women of color. Now Habib didn’t pull this theory out of thin air. It is actually supported by research conducted by scientists at Stanford Medicine, plus many of us in the behavioral sciences have talked about the correlation between trauma, the inability to be vulnerable, and health issues for years, especially with women of color.
I’m not going to recap Habib’s article. Instead, you can read it by clicking here. But what I do want to do is reiterate how when we, Black women, minority women, women of color, don’t talk about our negative experiences in the workplace, and when compounded with our daily lived experiences, together these can severely impact our health.
From our families encouraging us at young ages to not talk about our experiences, “What happens in this house, stays in this house,” to the fear of repercussions from loved ones, friends, colleagues, and bosses, minority women – Black women, women of color have been conditioned to remain silent and instead push through whatever is taking place in our lives. We are not encouraged to seek out safe spaces, or the assistance of a licensed therapist or life coach to help us process what is going on, and find healthy solutions. Instead, we are encouraged to “Stop whining, pull up our big girl panties, and deal with it like a woman,” whatever that means. We’ve been incorrectly taught that silence equates to strength, and that’s simply not true.
What I’ve learned from Habib’s article, in addition to speaking with women of color from around the world, is that many of us don’t know how to safely process our emotions and begin to heal from trauma. So here are some tips taking from my workbook, Unbreak My Soul: How Black Women Can Begin To Heal From Workplace Trauma:
- The first step in all of this is understanding what trauma is and how it shows up in our lives.
- Next, we have to acknowledge that we have in fact, been traumatized.
- Be open to receiving help. It is okay to speak with a mental health therapist or a life coach. Participate in your company’s employee resource group, ask HR about the employee assistance program, or join a community group that consists of individuals who share your same life experiences.
- Learn how to set healthy boundaries, and that no is a complete sentence (Thank you Dr. Lacrecia Dangerfield for this one).
- Use your PTO. Realize you can take sick leave when it pertains to caring for your mental health.
- Realize when life is life-ing and use grounding techniques to recenter yourself.
- Engage in a healthy lifestyle which consists of eating fresh foods, daily exercise such as walking, yoga, or pilates, and visit your primary care physician for yearly medical check-ups.
- Take that vacation, and if you can’t afford one, take a weekend staycation in your city.
- Journal your work experiences then go back a month later and read your entries. Look for patterns in behaviors not only from yourself, but your colleagues. How are conflicts being addressed? How have you been feeling about your job? What stands out?
- Know that when your job has become toxic, you can not single handedly change it or the person who is causing you harm, that change has to come from leadership.
- Know your rights as an employee, and know that it is okay to seek out guidance from an employment attorney.
- Know that you can pivot. You don’t have to remain in a toxic situation or at a toxic job. Don’t feel guilty for wanting better for yourself.
At the end of the day we as women, women of color, minority women, Black women, have to understand that our silence isn’t going to make the negative situations in our lives get any better or vanish into thin air. Instead, as Habib points out in their article, our emotions are going to come out – even if it is through our health, our bodies, or our mortality. Please find a safe space where you can be vulnerable, where you can talk about your emotions, and learn how to engage in activities and life practices that will allow you to live a long, healthy, and fulfilling life.
Dr. Carey Yazeed is a Behavioral Scientist and the creator of Unbreak My Soul: How Black Women Can Begin To Heal From Workplace Trauma.
To learn about upcoming Safe Spaces where women of color can exhale, click here.
Photo by Ali Mkumbwa on Unsplash
