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For a few years I kept my thoughts and opinions to myself when it came to the state of affairs in America as they pertain to Blacks. Part of me was trying to sort through my own shit, while the other half didn’t have the mental energy I knew would be required to deal with people on the internet who were more concerned with being right than trying to understand the perspective of a Black woman who had lived through some things. Then one day I allowed the words to flow from my brain to my tongue and that’s when all hell broke loose.
Although I’ve been engaged in diversity work behind the scenes for over 20 years, it wasn’t until I stepped out of the shadows and into the spotlight in 2021 that I began to feel the heaviness of the work that we do and the backlash and emotional abuse that comes with it. Ironically, the nastiness I encounter usually comes from other minorities, mainly Black women and we can sprinkle in a few angry white men here and there and the weaponized tears of some white women too. While a lot of people appear to be supportive in the public eye, it goes down in my DM’s and emails. You see, there is this unspoken rule that we – Black people – aren’t supposed to rock the boat. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, and don’t say anything bad about white people or else you’ll get into trouble. Yes, in 2022 we still have Black and Brown folk walking around with this “Yes ah masta” mentality, still trying to appease certain people.
See me, I don’t mind good trouble, trouble that makes people think and shifts you out of your comfort zone. And the way that I see it, we – Black people – have been walking on eggshells in this country since 1619, don’t you think it’s time we stop? If we speak up what is the worst that can happen – guess what, it’s already happened. Your silence is allowing them to control you; control how you think, how you feel, and when you should feel. This control limits our perspective and we stop seeing the world for the betterment of our own and it suddenly becomes about us appealing to the emotions of the very people we have allowed to take away our voice, our superpower. Tell me if I’m wrong. Where is the lie?
People were hot as fish grease behind my Op-Ed on Brene’ Brown and Courage Culture. “How dare you talk about Brene,’” as if she had invited them over to her million dollar home for Sunday brunch. Instead of trying to comprehend what I was saying and utilize it to better themselves and the lives of Blacks in general, I watched as Black and Brown people defended a woman who’s ideology isn’t for them or about them and one we can’t safely engage in because we don’t have the same privilege and safe spaces as suburban white women. How hard is that to understand? Apparently, it’s very hard for some folk.
If you think the perception of Blacks has changed you’re wrong. I don’t care where you live, what you drive or how many letters you have behind your name, in this world, this white man’s world, you are still seen as less than, especially if you are a Black woman. Now I know some of y’all reading this are going to try and crucify me behind speaking my mind yet once again. But I find it hilarious how Black and Brown people refuse a message from someone who looks like them and who brings them the truth, but instead will uphold a white person they perceive to be “the messenger” who probably stole the original message from the Black or Brown person they denounced. Think I’m lying? What color was the Jesus picture that hung in your Big Momma’s house?
Now do I hate white folk? The answer is no. I dislike some, just like I dislike some Black folk too. Honestly, I don’t hate anyone. I hate racism and how it has impacted minorities for centuries. But when a Black woman tries to speak her truth and be ‘vulnerable and courageous’ in the same breath, it is interpreted as hate by some, anger by others and problematic by a few more. People love to put Black women in boxes and tell us how we feel, when all they have to do is ask. But we know they won’t listen, and that’s the problem. Instead of listening to us everyone wants to control our narrative, because when we do speak they lose control and that’s a problem too.
Let’s be honest, the conversations I have chosen to have publicly – conversations our Black leaders and activists should have continued having after the civil rights movement ended – were supposed to be reserved for our “skin folk only, closed door discussions.” I broke the Black code and for that many in my community feel I need to be reprimanded. So the dissociation has started, the public humiliation and denouncing of my name and ideologies have followed. “I like your new persona,” one Black educator in the DEI space publicly shared, not thinking I would publicly snatch her edges. I responded that the only thing new was the suit and wig I was wearing in the photo, but everything else about me was the same. I knew her on a personal level. Had pushed her to speak out more and to leverage her platform to be a national change maker. She pushed back and told me she wasn’ trying to make them good white folk mad. “What in the entire hell…” were my thoughts about her and how she uses DEI and her platform to make white folk feel comfortable. And the sad part is that these are the type of DEI facilitators companies are hiring- the passive Black and Brown diversity, equity, and inclusion officer who will overlook their bias and excuse the microaggressions while upholding white supremacy in the name of a good paycheck.
By speaking up on controversial issues, I am messing up everyone’s good thang, the false narratives people and Fortune 500 companies have created about Black life in America. I am exposing the unrealistic world they pretend we live in, you know the perfect world where we all live in harmony and that ism – racism – doesn’t exist. Honey, I can feel the daggers being thrown at me through their passive aggressive comments and messages left in my DM’s, “But let’s consider this perspective…” when you know damn well I can’t because I haven’t lived it, or the outright insults, ignorance and mislabeling:
“You sound dumb, I wonder who gave you a PhD. Must be one of those online degrees,” and “Ironically why would you wear a shirt that says 1913 the year during the Mexican Revolution when a mass slaughter occurred and many lost their lives? And the insult I get the most, “Why am I listening to someone who lives in the backwoods and swamps of Louisiana?” Girl what?! Girl, yes!
Yet those same keyboard gangsters are either unwilling or just too lazy to utilize Google where they can see when and where I earned my PhD, read the dissertation that I wrote, and that I’m a member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc and January 1913 was the year we were founded at Howard University. And no disrespect, but my red and white t-shirts have nothing to do with the Mexican Revolution and February 1913 when prominent army generals staged a coup in Mexico City, forcing then president Madero to resign so General Victoriano Huerta could take his place. And although I don’t live in the backwoods or a swamp, educated Black people can reside anywhere.
But like the stench of workday funk oozing through a hole-in-the-wall nightclub, I continue to penetrate the air that each of you breathe with the smell of real world Black reality. As I share my perspective of the hardships that make up Black life through the lens of my lived experiences as a Black woman in America and try to share viable solutions, I know none of this is easily digestible and neither am I. Everyone won’t understand, but some will get what I’m trying to say, while others will appreciate my truths. But behind closed doors many elite Blacks, Latinos and whites snub their noses and suck their teeth wishing I would shut up and go away. But I’m not going anywhere, because I realize that the voices who have spoken for us thus far have either had a personal agenda that had nothing to do with us, or they walked on eggshells trying to appease to the emotional needs of key figures and the power of the almighty dollar, while disregarding the very needs of those who chose them to speak.
Now if by chance I have offended you in some shape, form or fashion, instead of lashing out at me in my DM’s or with your passive aggressive comments trying to put me in my place, take a moment and ask yourself why does it bother YOU when I share MY truth while bringing my entire Black self to this proverbial table called equal opportunity. Why does it bother you that I’m trying to be heard just like everyone else and trying to make life better for Black folk? I want you to self reflect on what exactly it is that I’ve shared in this or other articles that bothers you to the point that it irritates your soul. And then ask yourself, why is that?
As the late Eartha Kitt stated, “The price you pay to be yourself is worth it!” I will continue to pay that high price, because I refuse to be anyone else except my Black authentic self and I refuse to be a part of the problem in America when I know I can be a part of the solution when it comes to equity, inclusion and belonging for Black and Brown folk in this country. And if that means I have to disturb your peace from time to time, then so be it.
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Dr. Carey Yazeed is a behavioral scientist who specializes in psychological safety in the workplace. In addition to being a sought after speaker, she is also the author of Shut’em Down: Black Women, Racism, and Corporate America, Everyday Struggle: How Toxic Workplaces Impact Black Women (both were bestsellers on Amazon in the category of business conflict), and Unbreak My Soul: How Black Women Can Begin To Heal From Workplace Trauma. Dr. Yazeed is currently available for media interviews and to facilitate corporate trainings. Click here to learn more.