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When Blacks talk about any type of oppression, our frustration and anger is automatically directed at the white, heterosexual male. Yes, historically we can attest, white men have contributed to the oppression of Black people in this country, but seldom, if ever, do we as Blacks, but especially Black women, look at the role Black men have played in our physical and emotional pain…until now.
On Thursday, May 5, 2022, Atlanta stylist and controversial YouTube influencer, Kevin Samuels untimely death set the internet streets on fire. From Black women rejoicing or not feeling any type of way, to Black men mourning the loss of a man they considered to be the greatest of all time (GOAT), everyone had an opinion about his legacy; either good or bad.
In life, Mr. Samuels quickly rose to fame, acquiring a cult-like following on YouTube with an audience of over one million viewers that tuned in to watch him berate Black women while uplifting “high value” Black men. Black women, not understanding why they couldn’t get and/or keep a man, would call into his show seeking “relationship” advice, only for Samuel, who was not a certified life coach nor did he have a clinical background, to destroy the little self esteem they had. Voyeurs watched in excitement as he dished out harsh advice that sometimes appeared to be rooted in his own traumas and bitterness vs research and theory. And although many now claim they didn’t agree with his delivery, none of them held him accountable regarding the possible harm he was causing during his time here on Earth.
Like the unspokenness of sexual assault and domestic violence that takes place in the African American community, some Blacks refuse to have uncomfortable conversations about the misogynistic behaviors of some Black men, and refuse to hold them accountable for their problematic behaviors. Our denial or lack of action allows us as a people to continue to pretend that a problem doesn’t exist among our own, hence perpetuating a dark history of protecting the perpetrator while unconsciously shunning the survivor. While some influencers just shared the news and moved on, others tried to shame Black women who were not saddened by his death; “Who raised you people?” and “You shouldn’t speak ill of the dead!” As I watched the unfriendly banter unfold across social media the only words that came to mind were, “the audacity!” In life these same people turned a blind eye as Samuels made millions from causing emotional harm to Black women for the sake of entertainment, and now they felt it was okay to tell his victims how they should respond and react? Why is that?
If we take a deeper look at history and the context in which Black men participate in the oppression of Black women, we find ourselves going down a slippery slope. Some Black men in leadership roles, such as an influencer like Samuels, often display supremacist attitudes and behaviors. According to Littles (2020) the ego-centered Black male leader is usually the creation of a priviledged system, one that is rooted in whiteness where he is one of a few Black men to make it to the promise land and hold a high value position that is normally reserved for heterosexual, white males. This new positioning feeds into his male ego and adds fuel to his already flaming misogynistic behaviors, which can be equally as harmful to Black women as that of white privilege. Instead of properly addressing their unspoken, “ego-centered” privilege as a problem, their behaviors are brushed off by the Black community as “men being men,” which continues to perpetuate the generational traumas that we refuse to address as a people.
When we take a step back and examine this type of behavior in the context of social media and problematic influencers like Samuels, the misogynistic attitudes and behaviors of a Black man towards a Black woman may look like him body shaming her because she doesn’t have the figure of an Instagram model. His toxic behaviors could be rooted in colorism with him spewing to his followers that high value Black men would never be seen with a dark skin Black woman. He may berate her for being too educated- believing all of this knowledge also makes her have a sense of entitlement and independence which will scare successful Black men away. The misogynistic attitude of a toxic Black man like Samuels may also believe that if a woman is over the age of 35 and unmarried, Black men will view her as being defective and cast her away like yesterday’s leftovers. Unfortunately, these Black men don’t just exist in the social media vacuum. We can also find them in leadership roles in Corporate America, in our local, state and federal governments, within our schools, churches and even down the street at the corner store.
Although Kevin Samuels has passed, the internet is already replacing him with another misogynistic Black man who will be even more toxic and detrimental to the emotional demise and further oppression of Black women. So what can we do to protect Black women from these harmful individuals both on the internet and within our interpersonal relationships and communities? First, we as Blacks need to stop pretending that the suppression and oppression of Black women in society only comes from white men and white women. Next, Black men need to hold each other accountable. When you see a brother mistreating a sista, speak up in that moment and cover her. Lastly, instead of hiding our heads in the sand and only looking at the oppression of Black women through one lens, let’s analyze all of the data including how systemic racism has fostered our generational traumas and how that has resulted in the internalized oppression that is taking place within our families and communities, which contributes to the abuse and mistreatment of Black women at the hands of some Black men.
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Dr. Carey Yazeed is a behavioral scientist who specializes in psychological safety in the workplace. In addition to being a sought after speaker, she is also the author of Shut’em Down: Black Women, Racism, and Corporate America, Everyday Struggle: How Toxic Workplaces Impact Black Women (both were bestsellers on Amazon in the category of business conflict), and Unbreak My Soul: How Black Women Can Begin To Heal From Workplace Trauma. Dr. Yazeed is currently available for media interviews and to facilitate corporate trainings, Click here to learn more.